Ideals are a type of seduction pattern, and seduction patterns make people spend an immense amount of energy and never get what they want. For more about seduction patterns, read my previous blog on the subject by clicking here.
By definition, ideals are unattainable, yet we are constantly surrounded by all types of ideals that other people seem to represent. The Dalai Lama may seem to represent the ideal of holiness to some. The anorexic movie star may represent the ideal of beauty for another. Bill Gates may represent the ideal of wealth or success for others. Religions contain all sorts of ideas about the type of person we ought to try to be. Be kind to those who hate you. Sacrifice yourself, martyr yourself, die for others. When someone has a certain desperation or emptiness, they may be more susceptible to being seduced by an ideal.
When someone is seduced by an ideal, it typically means they have a subconscious/unconscious definition of some ideal they are working really hard to reach. When we muscle test through the protocol to heal the pattern, we are able to get all the details of what this person would be doing, thinking and feeling if they were to attain the ideal and why they are trying to reach the ideal…what will they get if they reach the ideal. If you understand that ideals are always unattainable, it is because they are ridiculous in their requirements.
In honor of Mother’s Day, I want to help show you how to rid yourself of a particularly insidious ideal in our child-centric culture. Here are some examples of things my clients have told me are in their Ideal of the Perfect Mother or Motherhood:
- Motherhood is finding yourself in a state of pure unconditional love you feel all the time for your children and all the earth’s children.
- You seize every day with your children as if it were your last.
- You love your children more than yourself which is proven by how you sacrifice yourself all the time in the name of that love.
- You speak only in loving words all the time.
- You always want to be with your children and feel guilty when you are not.
- You feel guilty if anyone else meets their needs because it means you weren’t there for them.
- They rely on you for everything.
- You love every minute of being a mother, even when they are puking on you or not listening or having meltdowns in the check-out aisle.
- You never feel anger or disappointment or impatience toward your children because you know they are just little beings of light…lest it mean you are not a good mother. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians, 13:4.
Okay, are you feeling nauseous yet? I am. This will never happen. No one will ever meet these requirements ALL the TIME! And when it keeps not happening day after day, you most likely internally flog yourself for being so UNLOVING or IMPERFECT. You got mad at your husband, the father of your children—if you want to be the perfect mother, you cannot model anger! This is not allowed! Did you just really yell at your teenager who was pushing your buttons all day?! Did you really tell your child who threw perfectly good food on the ground that some children do not have enough food to eat!? Are you kidding me? You know better! What is wrong with you? You do not measure up (because you are not the Perfect Mother).
You can see that this ideal takes a lot of energy to strive for, more to flog yourself for because you, unlike your sister in the PTA, do not ever reach these lofty ideal characteristics, and it blinds you to all the good you do as a mother, every single day!
So, right now, read through the following, fill in the blanks and then renounce the whole seduction message out loud:
“I renounce and reject this message that first I have to reach the Ideal of being the Perfect Mother which means I will be doing _____, _______, _____ etc. and only then when I reach all of these things will I get the promised benefits of: Perfection, love, admiration, _______, _______, _______, etc. and I renounce and reject these elusive gifts that have tempted me into believing this would ever work. I accept that I will never be the Perfect Mother and I recognize all the good I do everyday and most days: ______, _______, ______, etc. I set my intention (or pray, if you prefer) that I never take up this Ideal again, because it is a big waste of my time and energy and I prefer to spend my energy on things that enhance my life force, rather than detract from it. Thank you for all the good I am able to do and all I am able to be and choose to be. I decide who I choose to be, the mother I choose to be. I have choice in all areas. I use my free will to choose growth, not stuckness and stagnation. Therefore I renounce this ideal once and again (because it keeps me stuck in feeling never good enough) and pray/set the intention to be free of all the harm I have ever done to myself and others while under the influence of this seduction pattern and erase it so completely, it is as if it never happened…Poooof! (breathe it out.) Thank you!”
Now, write down all you learned/all you know now that you may not have been as clear on before, stream-of-consciousness style. Write whatever comes.
Go to bed and sleep well, knowing that you know now how to free yourself of ideals that keep you stuck and spinning.
Happy new year to all mothers out there. This is a whole new way to look at things, perhaps, and a fresh start to this year until the next Mother’s Day. If you still find yourself straining to achieve any kind of Ideal or giving in to a seduction pattern, please call (949) 929-5470 or email me to set up an appointment. Healing from the Body Level Up can help you or someone you love break these patterns and gain freedom from the stagnation in your life. Remember, HBLU works just as well over the phone, so you can refer your sister in Iowa to me too.* The information provided on this site, including text, graphics, images, is for informational purposes only. It is not to be construed as medical care or medical advice and is not a replacement for medical care given by physicians or trained medical personnel. The Center for Integrative Therapy, LLC nor Amy St. Hilaire do not directly or indirectly practice medicine, nor do they dispense medical advice, diagnosis, treatment or any other medical service as part of this free web site. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider(s) when experiencing symptoms or health problems, or before starting any new treatment. Neither The Center for Integrative Therapy, LLC nor its members are to be held responsible for any inaccuracies, omissions, or editorial errors, or for any consequences resulting from the information provided. By continuing to view this site, visitors indicate acceptance of these terms.